If you're old enough to enjoy this, you're old!

[ThistleCap]

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. have bouts with dementia ...
have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. have lost all my friends. But, thank goodness,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

[Frank]

on the 'old' topic...




 Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well.. you'll love this one.
 
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
 Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
 Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
 This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
 After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
 'Yes. yes, I did. I'm a Mustang,' he gleamed with pride.
 'When did you graduate?' I asked.
  He answered , 'In 1975. why do you ask?'
 'You were in my class!', I exclaimed.
  He looked at me closely.
 
  Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled,fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-female dog asked...






 

'What did you teach ?                     

[Oldrig]

OK folks,

Now that we're on this embarrassing subject, we're ready for the definitive YouTube music video on the subject:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lSliucgygc&feature=player_embedded

--Er, what was that subject, anyway?

--Joe

[tomwatt]

Several times I've had the shocking experience of seeing my reflection in store windows not realizing it was myself, and thinking "look at that old bastage..."
 

[marujo_sortudo]

Not there, yet, but at least I have an anthem pre-selected: 

http://www.last.fm/music/Elvin+Bishop/_/Slow+Down